Hi Wei Yeow
You did a good job on your story. What works: the main character is developed well and is likeable. He's easy to relate to and sympathise with. The emotions are believable and the humour is natural. The format you've chosen suits your story. The ending works: it's not a cliffhanger, it's a very clear ending.
What doesn't work: development of why he likes the girl is not clear. It's too sudden especially since he first said she wasn't interesting. Then very soon after, he likes her.
If you can write like this, you should have been writing like this throughout the course. I'm glad you finished the assignment on time and you've created an engaging and entertaining story.
Cheers,
Ms Cheng
Especially after having done this overnight, despite being given a 4-month period to do the assignment.
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